Things arise... we don't know why they come to the surface.... and it's not always clear their purpose. What does it all mean? How does it all play out? What is the bigger picture? Answers unseen - Gnawing doubt - Turn it into scripture, because there's no certainty of how it all pieces together, but the lessons help relieve the inner pressure. So write it all down to release the valve and be relieved - so you can hear the sound of who you are without repressed feelings... yes... that's what it's for - the healing ... the healing...
This poem became self-revealing to me as I wrote it. I was journaling some thoughts that triggered feelings that felt uncomfortable. I thought I opened a can of worms that was better left closed. That is literally what I put in my journal. Yet the purpose of me journaling was to find some reflection, to understand why previous thoughts had arose in my consciousness, and to continue to build that connection with all of myself - feelings, thoughts, everything. For months prior, I had been turning various thoughts over and over in my head - getting to the feelings beneath these thoughts, accessing deeper parts of myself, and profoundly contemplating what it all meant within myself.
Then ... seemingly out of the blue ... poof. The intensity dissipates. The thoughts subside. The feelings withdraw.... there's a sense of ... peace & contentment.
As I write - now - I see this could have been the result of all the surrender work I've been putting into my spiritual and daily practice. Also, yet the mind of mine that likes to analyze, understand, and is genuinely is curious... is like slightly freaking out. What purpose did all of that serve? Did it mean anything? Was it wasted energy? Boy, let me tell you. Our minds are addicted to pain sometimes. Addicted to emotion. Addicted to the struggle. So here I go journaling into a space where no feelings really are pressing currently and I well up emotions through my process of journaling. Hey, I'm really good at making problems out of nothing.
Either way, regardless of all of that nonsense.... I did long to know what it all meant. I'm left with this open space of neutrality and contentment. Did all that inner work lead me to this feeling of peace? WHY DO WE RESIST OUR OWN PEACE SOMETIMES!!??!! I'm telling you guys; we have an addiction to problems sometimes. Here I am problem free, and I can't sit still without trying to find something to fix.
Thanks for reading all of that. It's funny to look back upon. I journaled, came to unnecessary feelings, and concluded with the poem I wrote above. The poem offered me some serenity.
Maybe the only purpose for periods of discomfort is healing. If we have the intention to heal, things come up TO HEAL. Sometimes we just need to get into alignment with ourselves. If we ignore ourselves, we are out of alignment. If we ignore how we truly feel deep down, we are out of alignment. When we go through the mess of it all, maybe it's just coming up to be seen. It just needs to be seen. It needs to be held. It needs to be validated.
That process of self-validation can be painful if we deny our true feelings about something. It's like telling a child who wants to play with their toys that they aren't supposed to want to play. If I'm feeling something and I tell myself I shouldn't be feeling that way, then I am invalidating myself.
My recent learnings taught me to self-validate. Was it easy? No. But I allowed myself to feel things that were uncomfortable and I gave myself permission to be in that space of discomfort.
Self-Validation is very healing!!!!!!
I'm going to re-paste that poem here, because given all of that writing I expressed just now, maybe the poem will sit differently within you now:
Things arise... we don't know why they come to the surface.... and it's not always clear their purpose. What does it all mean? How does it all play out? What is the bigger picture? Answers unseen - Gnawing doubt - Turn it into scripture, because there's no certainty of how it all pieces together, but the lessons help relieve the inner pressure. So write it all down to release the valve and be relieved - so you can hear the sound of who you are without repressed feelings... yes... that's what it's for - the healing ... the healing...
Repressed feelings lead to becoming stagnant in our healing. Things arise for us to see them, honor them, and validate them. Everything you feel deserves to be seen. All of you deserves acknowledgment. Every little piece of you.
Don't deny yourself this deep healing work. You will find a love greater than you ever could have imagined within your own heart.
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