For a moment - I forgot. Lost in the pain, wondering why it's here, longing for it to pass, not knowing how it came to be. Feeling alone; feeling trapped; feeling depressed; feeling lost. Disconnected from everything, no longer wanting to be here. It wasn't until, something became revealed to me, that reminded me that what I was experiencing, others were enduring too. Freed from the bottomless hole, into a connection with the whole. Together we walk this journey of beauty and pain. Feeling peaceful; feeling serenity; feeling acceptance; feeling better. Connected to everything, now seeking to be there for others.
My mantra for this upcoming week is, "I am not alone". I would like to share why this is such a powerful awareness to bring into my heart and mind. It is offering me immense peace and connection.
For me it is really easy to get lost in my emotions. I allow them to overwhelm me, which then accumulates and turns into even more emotions. For example, I could be feeling a sense of disappointment about something. This then builds residue of sadness over the loss of what I was hoping for. While it is completely okay to feel these feelings and to be human, sometimes it can turn into a scary and anxious place when I am alone in them.
This tendency to be alone in my feelings is completely unconconscious at times.
It begins with the feelings themselves over the circumstance. Then it transforms into anxiety of some sort. Then... it becomes something I am stuck in. In turn, I may choose to disconnect. I may close up. I may stay away from people. I may avoid contact with the outside world. I must point out - there's balance in what I am going to express here. At times, self care is important. When overwhelmed with feelings, pulling away to recharge may be the best thing you need.
A perspective I would like to share, however, is the awareness of realizing the connection to others while we are experiencing periods of sadness and disconnection. This can be a mindfulness and a simple knowing. For me it has offered great peace and inner reassurance.
I've had a few recent experiences over the course of the past week that have left me feeling disconnected. I had an experience of disappointment. I've also had a period of fatigue and low motivation. I've also had an experience of very uncomfortable emotions toward an area of my life. Through talking to others about what I was experiencIGN and simply noticing the world around me through others, I've seen that I was not alone in my experiences. I've seen direct reflections of others feeling and experiencing the same thing as me, even at the same time. If I was partaking in an experience that involved other people, I came to realize I was not alone in my feelings about what was happening. Even greater, I noticed connection to the world at large. Here - in my home, somewhat disconnected to the world around me, in the four walls of my apartment - I open my Facebook and read posts of others that have been in a state of fatigue and low energy. Another situation: I have a reflection in my weekly therapy session of the shared experience through my therapist and reassurance my emotion is a common emotion in many other people as well. In each situation of each uncomfortable feeling, I get reflections of this truth: "I am not alone".
What a relief. A sense of peace washed over me when I had these reflections revealed to me. It even alleviated some of the feelings just knowing I wasn't alone. It made it feel easier, and it comforted me. The thing with pain is the disconnection that washes over us in the experience. The truth is that pain is a shared experience. We all have moments of sadness. We all shared the array of various feelings all at once. When we get to see the insides of another human, truly and authentically, we see that we all experience this pain together.
This truth has taught me great compassion.
It gives me ego a break from the victimhood it believes is true. It connects me to something greater. Boy, that sense of connection is truly healing. I believe this is love working miracles of transformation. Love transforms pain. Love is the knowing we are all one. Divine Love IS the truth that all is One. Divine Love is the force that brings everything and everyone together. It binds us. It connects us.
Not only are we connected by the Source of Creation - the force that brought this life to form, the breath that breathes us...... we are connected by our shared human experience. We are connected through the joys and beauty of life. We also are connected by the struggle and the pain.
Wow.... this truly has humbled me in so many ways. Now I don't have to trudge through the discomfort, longing for it to be over. I can be grateful that God has allowed me to be on this journey with my human family. We are in this together - through all of it.
One of the saddest things for me to question and reflect over is would a deep knowing of this daily and regularly save us from the loss of others who take their lives? Unfortunately I've lost two friends this past year to suicide, and I looked at them as very spiritual, loving, and mindful people. Wouldn't they know this? Hey.... I am just being reminded of this truth myself, so it's not like I often remember this when I am struggling. I just happen to be open to the message from God this week apparently. So yea... we all forget. But maybe... just maybe, deeply knowing this and remembering this more often, would save our life at the times it's the hardest.
My heart breaks. What if? What if?? Since losing two friends, these what if's cross my mind all the time. The truth is I don't know the answers, but I long to piece the puzzle together of safety within each and every one of us.
What is it that will keep us going in life? There are soooo many things we can hold onto for strength and perseverance in this precious life we have. Many of them give us hope and courage when we are questioning EVERYTHING and when we feel alone. Isolation is the worst. Isolation in our pain. Isolation in our communities. Isolation in the world. Isolation in our feelings. Isolation in our mind. The list goes on. Being alone in our experience really is.... well quite lonely.
This comes from a person who quite enjoys solitude. Solitude and loneliness are dramatically different. Solitude offers me a refill of my gas tank. Too much solitude can disconnect me from the world around me, and it often leads to disillusion of my environment. When I become so wrapped up in myself, I lose sight of what it feels like to be in the shoes of others. I begin to lack empathy.
Connection is a gateway to empathy. Empathy heals. Empathy is love working through us.
I am so grateful for the remembrance of others, even in my suffering. To remember others is to connect me to others. Thank you God for how each and every one of us are connected through these truths of Oneness. We are all on this journey together. We are all experiencing these feelings together.
May you all find safety, trust and surrender through the remembrance that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER.
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